Suggestions about a crush??

[Joxter]

Hi! I don't know if this topic goes against the rules. If that's the case, admins may close the thread.

Long story short, I've had the biggest crush on this person for the past six (almost seven) years and we mainly chat since we are long distance friends and can't really meet every other day.
We actually met already twice this year.
Sometimes I feel they feel the same about me, sometimes it feels they are just kind and friendly.

The question is... is there any way I can pick hints up from their texts? Are there things I can pinpoint?

I really REALLY like them and I plan on confess to them someday in the near future, but yet I don't want this to be embarassing, nor I want to ask them out if it's clear they see me as a friend. (Not that I wouldn't be cool with that nonetheless)

help... XD

[Blomady]

Hi Your topic does not violate the rules, don't worry

I can't really come up with a proper advice, because I don't know every detail about your relationship and I'm also afraid to spoil something, but I will share my thoughts with you, maybe it helps you to think everything over.

Actually, given that you don't meet often and just chat online, it's really hard to find out whether they have feelings for you or not. Some people don't show their feelings at all and act normally with no hint at any romantic vibes. At the same time, they might see you as a friend only.
You can also ask yourself: are you sure that your feelings towards that person are romantic? Do you really see them as your partner in the future? Is it worth it, I mean, is there a possibility to meet more often, to move to the person's city or vice-versa? If the feelings turn out to be mutual, there still might be problems that will hamper on your way.

I really understand your concerns about the confess because if the feelings are not mutual the person can simply get frightened by it and then you risk losing a friend. At the same time, it's not very honest to hide your feelings towards a person who sees you as a friend only and trusts you. Continuing to do it, you will not feel good at all, and if one day the person finds someone they like and start dating them, you'll get hurt by this fact and will regret that you chose to keep silence. But, there is still a chance to lose a friend (and still a chance that they will talk to you and choose to be friends despite your feelings. At least you will know that they feel to you).
It might be better to do something than to regret doing nothing and never find out what could have happened.

Summing up: the choice is up to you of course. In any case I support you.

[Joxter]

Hi, thank you for replying to the thread. :3

I might start stating that indeed what I feel for them is strongly romantic. What I tried to do is studying how they act with their friends but the more I think about it, the more I'm confused. I caught they are quite different with their friends, but again I think that maybe they are shy or maybe they were just excited to see me or, again, I'm imagining things.

Also my friends say they might like me back from what they see form our interactions/texts... so yeah, I'm stuck between "they feel the same", "I am oblivious" and "I am overreacting to average friendly behaviour". This is quite driving me insane. XD

I'll be gathering my courage up one day and tell them nonetheless.
I don't even demand reciprocity anymore from them. It's just a matter of getting this weight away from my chest.

[Blomady]

I'll be gathering my courage up one day and tell them nonetheless.
I don't even demand reciprocity anymore from them. It's just a matter of getting this weight away from my chest.

Actually, this is a good thing to do. According to your friends' opinion, they might have feelings for you, and if so, you'll be twice happier haha

[harpa]

Soooo, I've been meaning to reply to this topic for a while now, but work has been crazy lately and I've been feeling super tired

Hope I can still give my advice because I've been in that situation not too long ago

I fell in love with a friend of my from university. We talked a lot and I always felt really safe and comfortable with him. Some texts also seemed a little flirty, but he was super friendly with everyone, so I didn't know if he felt the same way as me So I gathered up courage and confessed to him. Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same way, and for a while we decided to take some distance to "collect" ourselves. But we had an honest talk that day and agreed that we wanted to remain friends.

When I confessed to him, I didn't want it to be weird between us if he didn't feel the same for me, because I didn't want to lose him as a friend. And even though we took a step back for a while, it was the best thing. Because when I saw him again, I didn't feel all so those feelings I had and was able to look at him as a friend. We don't talk as much now because in the meantime we started working and everyone's busy, but we still talk from time to time and it's nice.

Soooo (sorry for the spam ) I think you should confess your feelings for this person. Because you'll never know if you never try. If you don't say anything, you have a guaranteed no. But if you talk about it, you might be surprised how things turn out, maybe they like you the same way (I really really hope that's the case!)

[Joxter]

The fact is that I feel like they are flirty sometimes too. When I met them last time, I studied how they interacted with their friends and maybe I'm imagining things, but I felt like they weren't as caring as they are with me, but again, maybe I'm just imagining things.
Maybe they act like this irl but they text their friends in the same way they text me, sooooo yeah.

Also I'm veeeery oblivious. I had a couple guys crushing on me but never noticed it until they told me years later, oops.

tldr: I can't tell if they text everyone the same way the text me.

PS: Yesterday I had the biggest breakdown because I was considering abandoning the idea to confess to them and lose them as a friend AND a possible partner.
I feel hugely understood and not judged at all by them and we even enjoy stuff like John Water movies (that my friends otherwise wouldn find repulsive and disturbing XD), so yeah I can feel I can talk about everything.

I was also debating if I should tell them in person, via text or by sending a letter.
I'm sorry, I'm pretty new to this hehehe.

[Blomady]

Probably if you confess, nothing bad happens, at least I truly believe that the person would not have a negative reaction
And I also believe that you would feel relieved if they know

[Joxter]

Probably if you confess, nothing bad happens, at least I truly believe that the person would not have a negative reaction
And I also believe that you would feel relieved if they know

I will surely do, but I can't help hearing this little voice in the back of my head that doing so will ruin the friendship we created, even tho I'm trying to accept this could be a very possible outcome.

[Blomady]

Probably if you confess, nothing bad happens, at least I truly believe that the person would not have a negative reaction
And I also believe that you would feel relieved if they know

I will surely do, but I can't help hearing this little voice in the back of my head that doing so will ruin the friendship we created, even tho I'm trying to accept this could be a very possible outcome.

Take your time and don't push yourself <3

[harpa]

Totally agree with Blomady

Personally, I think you should tell them in person. I did via voice messages on Instagram and regretted it later I did that because this person was going away for a few months and, when I actually wanted to talk to them, I "chickened out" So I sent them the voice message. But once they came back, we talked in person about it, so it was fine